Lean In.

Bet you didn’t think you’d be hearing from me today! Yep, still alive. Today I’m here to tell ya’ll to lean in. Feel all the feels. It’s like standing in the ocean and looking out at the horizon as the tide comes in, up, and around you. The waves get a little taller with each moment and you have two choices: walk away or let the ocean wash over you. The cool, salty water slaps your skin and the sand and shells zip over your toes on their hurry back to the ocean.

There are all sorts of emotions that you’ll feel if you’re 26 and your employment is waning and your living situation is unstable and your future life plans are… uh … undeveloped. And when you feel something inside (good or bad) you have two choices: feel it or ignore it. Everyone wants to lean into those good emotions – those fuzzy feelings like love, belonging, and trust. But are we hesitant to feel the negative ones? Sometimes I sure am. Fear, anger, unknown – those don’t feel good. So why should we feel them?

Back in November I followed my little brother to a tiny town in Tennessee where we both worked for an online natural health retailer. At the beginning it seemed like a dream job. It was pretty much everything that I ever wanted from a job (minus the fact that it was located in one of the worst towns in the US). Fast forward to today and my employment is coming to an end and I’m not really sad about it. I learned a lot – and that’s the only thing that matters about the last seven months. I’ll leave out every detail except one: The business is closing. After twenty-something years of operation the business is closing its doors.

Literal visual representation of what can be found in this town.

The crazy part? Somehow during the closing announcement and the laying off process I gained the keys to the kingdom. And if you’re thinking that I suddenly became the manager-ish person of the business as it finishes out it’s final months then you would be absolutely correct. Whether because of my skill or my availability I will never know, but what I do know is that my life has suddenly become more complicated because I’m having to juggle every department of a business while learning on the fly.* Let’s just say that I run around a lot and work more hours than I should. But at the same time I am kinds proud of myself. Life is feeling real real right now, lemme tell ya.

I never planned to run this (waning) business that’s for sure. It just kinda happened. When I was first hired on I would complete my work, but then find that I was a little bored and looked for other departments to learn about. I learned warehouse operations… and the manufacturing side… I dabbled in HTML so that I could work intelligently with the developers. The list could go on, but essentially I asked a ton of questions and paid attention and before I knew it I had a working knowledge of every department from receiving shipments in the warehouse to the marketing campaigns in the office. Looks like it worked out ok for me.

I don’t really have much to say tonight, but I just wanted to say “hi” and to encourage you that if you, too, have a lot “going on” in your life.. and that if that stuff has you running around like a crazy person as your try to make decisions and figure things out don’t forget that it’s ok to take a few minutes and feel – really feel – negative emotions. Lean into them and see how they can serve you for the better. Acknowledge them. Thank them for their service in your life. Feel all the feels the good and the bad.

Oh, and one last thing: Believe in yourself. It feels real good.




P.S. Don’t you just love reading my completely unedited work? Haha. When it comes to blogging (and probably like everything in life) “finished” is always better than “perfect”. Remember that.


*Here’s a hint on how it’s going: 😳

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